


Bitter

by katie_qrbgw



Series: So Goddamn Worthless [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Depression, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 02:59:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18044171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katie_qrbgw/pseuds/katie_qrbgw
Summary: Jack wakes up in the hospital and to his surprise, Sam's there. Sam tells Jack that something odd is going on with him and they go back to the bunker to figure out what's going on. But is Jack ready to forgive Sam for the pain Sam caused him?





	Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for self harm, suicide attempt, mentions of rape. Part 3 of the series!

Sam smiles softly at Jack but it’s a forced kind of smile. The kind of smile you give people you don’t really want to be around. Sam has his hands clasped together and won’t look Jack in the eye. “Hey, Jack…” 

Jack blinks at Sam in shock. What could Sam possibly be doing here? Jack doesn’t want to see Sam, or so he tells himself. “Why are you here?” he asks, his voice bitter and angry. 

Sam sighs. “Charlie called me.”

“What?” Jack frowns, furrowing his brows. “Why would she do that?” 

Sam chews his lip as he carefully chooses his words, not entirely sure how to tell Jack what’s going on. “Jack, there’s um… Something is going on with you…”

“I’m fine,” Jack growls, assuming that Sam’s talking about how Jack’s cutting again. What does Sam know? Jack pulls the covers off himself, starting to get out of the hospital when Sam grabs his hand, Sam’s touch gentle yet hesitant. Jack meets Sam’s hazel eyes and nearly melts. Sam shouldn’t have such an affect on him anymore. Sam doesn’t want him and Jack needs to remember that. Jack’s eyes fall down to Sam’s hand in his. “What?” he whispers. 

“Charlie said she found you in a pool of your own blood, your eyes glowing gold while you mumbled something in Latin.” 

Jack shakes his head. “That makes no sense. First of all, I don’t have my powers and second of all, I don’t speak Latin.”

“That’s what I said,” Sam says quietly, looking just as confused about this as Jack feels. 

Jack sighs. So Sam’s only here because something is wrong with Jack. Of course Sam didn’t miss Jack or anything. Jack yanks the IV out of his arm and gets out of bed. He needs to get out of here. 

Sam stands up as Jack does. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Jack glares at Sam. “Not like you care.” 

“I do care,” Sam says with a frown. 

“No, you don’t. You used me for sex and brushed me aside because apparently I remind you of my father. You were the one who told me I wasn’t my father. I guess that was a lie.” 

Sam sighs and shakes his head. “Can we not do this right now? Let’s just figure out what’s going on with you and then we’ll talk about this, okay?”

Jack stares at Sam, furrowing his brows. He doesn’t want to talk about this later. He wants to talk about this now. Jack’s about to voice his thoughts when Dean walks in. Jack’s eyes widen and he instinctively moves closer to Sam. He knows better. That’s not Dean anymore. “Are we good to go? I wanna hit the road soon,” Dean says, checking his phone for the time. 

“S-Sam… that’s…” Jack trails off, looking at Dean in confusion. 

Sam shakes his head. “Michael is gone. It’s Dean, I promise. Let’s just go back to the bunker and I’ll explain later.” 

Jack doesn’t want to go anywhere with Sam but thinking logically, Sam and Dean are his best chance at figuring out what’s going on with him. He needs them. “Is Charlie coming too?” 

“Yeah, she’s taking her Jeep over to the bunker. Let’s go,” Dean says impatiently. 

“I’d rather go with Charlie,” Jack mumbles, grabbing his street clothes and going into the bathroom to get changed. 

Through the thin door Jack can hear Dean ask his brother, “The hell’s going on with the kid? You piss him off or something?”

Sam’s quiet for a moment. “Let’s just go, De… Charlie will give Jack a ride to the bunker.”

Jack stares at his reflection in the cracked mirror and notices how tired he looks. His typical bright excited blue eyes are a paler shade of blue and he has bags under them. He looks away and changes out of the scratchy hospital gown into his much more comfortable jeans and t-shirt. 

Jack leaves the hospital, seeing Charlie’s Jeep in the parking lot. He gets in the passenger seat and awkwardly hugs her. “Hey…” 

“Yeah, hey…” Charlie mumbles and starts the vehicle, pulling out of the parking lot and not giving Jack a second glance. 

Jack frowns a bit. “Are you upset with me?”

“No,” she clearly lies. “Why would I be? My best friend just tried to kill himself, not even thinking about how it would affect me and now he’s acting like it never happened.”

Jack gently touches Charlie’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about your friend,” he says softly. 

Charlie rolls her eyes and brushes Jack’s hand off. “It’s you, dumbass!”

“Me? I didn’t try to kill myself. Well… That wasn’t what I was aiming to do…”

“That’s what it fucking looked like when I found you bleeding out on your bedroom floor!! I thought you going to die, Jack… I don’t want to lose you…” She sounds close to tears. 

“Charlie… I’m so sorry…” Jack says quietly. He never thought about how Charlie felt.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it. You were so stupid! You have to be more careful. I know, you think hurting yourself is the solution when you’re feeling shitty, but it isn’t! What if you did die? You don’t actually want to die, do you?”

“I…” Jack doesn’t actually know the answer to the question. It’s not like he has anything to live for but he can see how affected Charlie is by his second brush with death. “No, I don’t…” Jack whispers, knowing that’s what she wants to hear. 

Charlie wipes at her eyes. “Then don’t you ever fucking do something so stupid again. You need help, Jack…”

“That’s what we’re going back to the bunker for. So we can figure out what’s wrong with me,” Jack says, tilting his head. 

Charlie shakes her head. “No, Jack… You need a different kind of help. Professional help. Someone you can talk to about your feelings. Like a therapist. I think it would really help you.” 

“A therapist?” Jack asks but he isn’t completely opposed to the idea. 

“Yeah… I think it would do you a lot of good.”

Jack chews on his lip for a moment. “I’ll think about it,” he says, looking out the window. He doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. Charlie seems to take the hint and focuses on the road, staying quiet the rest of the way to the bunker. 

Jack heads straight to his old room when they get to the bunker. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. His room still feels like home, despite not seeing it for weeks. Jack is unpacking his things when there’s a knock on his door. Jack sighs to himself, putting the shirt he’s holding away and answering the door to see Sam. “Hey… Can we talk?” Sam asks nervously.

“No,” Jack mutters and starts to close the door but Sam stops him. 

“Please Jack… Just give me five minutes…” Sam asks in a pleading voice. 

Jack bites his lip, thinking about it. “You have five minutes.”

“Why did you hurt yourself?”

Jack’s mind flashes back to being pressed against the wall and Evan touching him in all the ways he didn’t want. “I don’t want to talk about that…”

Sam walks over and sits on Jack’s bed. “Okay… um look, I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to use you for sex… It’s just…” Sam trails off, staring at Jack. 

“Just what?” Jack asks bitterly. 

“You do remind me of your father in a way… and he really hurt me in the past. I was trapped in Hell with him and he did awful things to me…” Sam stares off into space as he talks. “ I know you wouldn’t do that and I was so stupid to push you away. I’m sorry…” 

Jack looks down, not entirely sure of what to say. He wants to forgive Sam but he’s not quite ready. “Your five minutes are up…” Jack says softly. Sam sighs and heads towards the door when Jack stops him. “Sam…? I understand…” Sam smiles a little and leaves Jack’s room. Jack’s been hurt too. He hasn’t went to Hell but he can only imagine what Sam went through. He hopes that maybe they could fix things between them.


End file.
